It has been two days since I have stopped smoking. It was like 2 years for me. Errr....it was really really hard. Even right now, at this moment.
Actually, I really don't know why I need to quit smoking. Yeah, of course smoking is bad for your health , its burn away your money...blah blah blah. But that's the only thing I like doing or enjoy doing, and yet I can do it whenever I want.
My life is bored enough. Other than working, I just stay home playing computer, or watching TV. Of course, sometimes go to gym and hang out with friends for meals, or movie, but most of the time I am home alone, facing the empty walls and the only friend that I have is cigarette.
Now, I feel like something very big and important in my life has missing. The thing that I have been doing everyday for the past 10 years and now I have to stop doing it. Its really killing me.
You know, not many things that you want in your life and you can actually have it ? Even for the someone you love so much. Yet, smoking is the one of the things that I enjoy and yet I can actually have it, but I have to force myself to quit it ?? WHY ? WHY ? WHY ?
To some people, especially non smoker, cigarette must be disgusting, smelly, cost not only money but your health. Yet, to me, cigarette is not only just cigarette. I can play with it, smell it and see it's smoke dancing. Most importantly, its there with me whenever I needed it..when I was happy, when I was down, when I was sad...it never failed me.
I used to let go of someone that I really loved and now I have to let go of something that I actually like. Tell me what is the meaning of life ? Will I be happy living in such a world ?
If I say that money is not an issue and I am willing to risk my health for it.... Can I smoke ??? I am depressed, am frustrated, am sick, am definitely going crazy !!!
